Street Musicians

The best things I love while walking in downtown San Francisco are usually odd: Ladies with extraordinarily fancy costume, spray paint artists, a family of confused Asian tourists and most importantly, the street musicians.

What I notice about them is that they never precisely play. However, there is an obvious connection between their emotions and physical movements. Some may call it talent, some may call it trash music, but I call it passion. Music is all about passion, the most important value is your intention of producing music itself. You can play as celestial as you might, if you lack passion, you are no one greater than those street musicians. It never matters whether or not they sound good or educated. As what LV Beethoven said, "To play a wrong note is insignificant, to play without passion is inexcusable".

Summer Memorandum

Dear friends back home,

It has been an awfully long time since I last thought about you. It's unbelievable how things have changed since I left home. I never actually believed what people say about leaving home. The excitement of exploring new places and meeting new friends always come along with the reminiscence of old places and friends. Now I realize that those words cannot be more true. If you guess that this post is all about how things have changed, it's not. I'm writing this more to deliver my late apology and also thanks to each and every one of you. I know I never actually speak from heart to heart to most of my friends, this is because how I act in front of you, might be the opposite of how I judge you in the inside. And from my deepest heart, I apologize for that. I left home carrying hatred and jealousy towards some of you. And as seasons passed, I had been nurturing that hatred and jealousy as well, building an invisible parasite on myself. But as seasons passed, God had taught me important lessons to see how precious you all are. I learn that every life has its own untold stories. Some beautiful, some sad, too sad to  be uttered out of the rooftop. And because of this, no one has the right to judge—neither positively or negatively—another's life.

I heard from my family that things have not been easy back home. I heard fights, deaths and enmities, all happening in the same year. Never assume that I'm here, far away in the land of honey and milk, not caring a thing about what's going on at home. I am struggling here and have a million sides of the story too. Truth is, all my joys and concerns lie on the land where we were raised together. I started there and my soul has not gotten up since then.

The Core of Suffering

Is Suffering a Prerequisite?

"Christianity is always talking about suffering!"
"Christianity is masochism. Why be miserable?"
"Who want to be a suffering servant?"
What is this "suffering" we read so much about?
Is it a necessary part of our life with Christ?

Suffering is a special anguish that comes from the deepest part of us. It isn't pain—for we can have pain and not suffer. It isn't trouble—for we can be in trouble and not suffer. It is the language of the heart or soul that tries to express compassion, loneliness, sorrow, weariness, understanding. Suffering is often too deep for words. Even actions do not really express what we feel.

Suffering is the most intense sign of living—a sign that we are able to respond, to feel, to be more than animated machines. Suffering, perhaps, is the undeniable proof that we are made in the image of God, sensitive to whatever lies athwart His plan for perfection in life.

In this sense, then, yes—a Christian will often suffer... with another person, for the world, because of his own mistakes, at the hands of other people. Living means walking the gamut of life—from joy to suffering and Christ thrusts us into the midst of it. How alive, then, are you?

The Reason

I wake up in the daylight and realized that the blocks I have been building, the small stones I have been collecting, and the life I have been dying for are scattered around.
I'm standing at the dead-end of a tunnel again. Every path I know does not lead to anywhere. And no matter how much I try, my problems never fail to rise and prove themselves that they are greater than I am.

I close all doors and lock the windows,
I thicken my skin and harden my heart,
I silent the laughters and joy around me,
as if they are too offensive or that they reveal your nakedness.
I live life, dream, fail and success alone.
I am the soul of my own body,
I am Fatherless, widowed, lonely,
I am a lost soul.

I have forgotten the reason why I should talk to my Dad. I do not see the purpose of talking to someone whom I cannot see and touch with my flesh. He is just an individual too divine for mere humans to have an intimate relationship with—too perfect to exist.

I have forgotten that He also was once my Lover who brought me surprises, who kept on reminding me that His gifts are made with His love and passion.

People Pleaser

I'm tired of saying yes, just because I'm afraid to say no,
that it affects what I wear, what I eat and how I act.

I'm tired of being boxed in other people's opinions,
that I sometimes forget who I really am.

I'm tired of pleasing everybody,
that I forget of what God's calls are for me.

I'm tired of being used and manipulated.
I'm just a collection of expectations of others.

Plucking Daisies

Do you remember those days of daisies plucking?
You would pluck the petals one by one just to find out whether or not a guy likes you.

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

And if you were not satisfied with the answer, you would ask another daisy and do the same.
If you still were not satisfied with the next answer, you would ask another daisy, again and again.
Two daisies, three daisies, ten daisies, a hundred daisies, until you get the answer that you want.

Well, that's not a very effective way to find out if a guy like you, don't you think?
I understand how much we all hate these uncertainties.
But hey, you could have asked him directly!

Sorry, I know. Silly me. Bad idea.

Eternal Song

"For whoever has will be given more, 

And they will have an abundance. 

Whoever does not have 

Even what they have will be taken from them." 

Matthew 25:29

At times, when others deny or leave us, we feel like we do not own love like we used to anymore. I've heard people say: "Teach me to love again." That would be a misleading statement. Because when people you love leave, love does not go with them. Once you receive love, love remains within you and nobody can take it away from you. We do not learn to love again, we just learn to share the love that we already have possessed.