Eyes Upon Him (A Testimony of Michael J. C. Liu)

I was one of the pianists of NRETC (National Reformed Evangelical Teen Convention), Jakarta 2012. I was glad to be given the opportunity to attend to such a wonderful convention. It was that week when I first heard Ev. Michael JC Liu's testimony. Torn, I was reminded of multitudes of sins that I have done and how unworthy I am. Since that day, I returned back to God once again. At the end of Michael's testimony, he advised us to read Psalm 40 whenever I feel like falling and walking off the right path.

"When you have time, read Psalm 40", he said. "If you don't have time, then make time".
I give praise to the LORD for calling me back to the right path over and over again through His servants.Without further ado, below is Michael's testimony:

Good evening.
Whenever I am giving my testimony on stage, I think of myself as someone unworthy. If you are a Christian, you need to understand that it is a privilege for an individual to share a testimony for God. Who are we? We are totally depraved; it is by God’s grace and grace alone that we are saved. What makes us to be worthy to serve Lord God Almighty?

What makes us to be worthy to offer something to the Lord God? The whole earth is His, and everything is created by Him. It is Him who is worthy of all the praises. His name alone should be glorified.

When I was 14, my mother sent me to New York City. At that time, she joined a Christian church. Many new immigrants got their spiritual and practical needs met there, including my mother. She felt warmly welcomed in the church. When I was 15 years old, she was baptized, after which, she commanded me to attend her church. Before this, she was always very gentle; she had never used her authority as a mother. I thought I must listen to her first commandment, ever. As a result, I went to the church.
To my surprise, a Christian church was very different from everywhere else I had encountered. My impression was that New York City was very goal-oriented. However, what I felt in church was different from this.

When I was in Taiwan, I had attended school for some time. From elementary school to junior high, I had always felt that people around me were very realistic. In school, everybody wanted to be a top student who was respected by schoolmates and favored by teachers. On the other hand, those who did not succeed academically were dismissed and ignored. This was not the same in Church. People in church treated each other well. Both the seniors from my high school and counsellors in church were very kind. Their attitude was so different from other people. As a result, I felt I should listen to Christians. They talked about why people should read Bible. I was told not to start from the book of Genesis in Old Testament because it was too difficult for me to understand. Instead, I started from the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Particularly, I was also told that the Gospel of Mark was the shortest, which made it to be suitable for beginners.

So I began reading from the Gospel of Matthew. My mother told me to skip whatever was hard to understand, such as Jesus’ genealogy. When I read it for the very first time, I discovered that the Bible, especially the words of The New Testament, were very powerful. It was different from the books that I had read before, including the Analects of Confucius, Buddhist classics or The Koran. The Bible spoke to me more profoundly. Moreover, its content did not seem like something made up. According to the narrative of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, I could tell they were standing next to Jesus Christ when he made one man rise from death. In other words, they were eyewitnesses of Jesus—what they were writing down was what they had seen. All these things together made the Bible trustworthy. After I read the Bible, I was amazed by the personality of Jesus Christ. His greatness was beyond my understanding. I told myself, “If Jesus is God, I want to believe in him.” Everything in Him was good. He made blind to see, the lame to walk, and He made the dead to be alive again. Everything He did was good; His words were pure, and His wisdom was above all. But then, they killed him. I thought to myself, “How could they kill Him? What were these people doing?” However, just when I thought that he was dead, he resurrected. Wow! This was huge! Resurrection! I wanted to make sure I understood it correctly, so I asked a reliable and special teacher in the church. I trusted him because he was different from all the other teachers in my school years: he was a Christian. He always wore a smile on his face. I respected him as my teacher, and I believed that he would not lie to me. I asked him, “The Bible said Jesus Christ is God, is that true?”. “Of course, it is true”, he replied. In my opinion, if he said it was true, it must be true. Therefore, I believed that the Bible I read couldn’t be wrong. This conclusion matched the true feelings in my heart. In fact, it was the truth, for if Jesus Christ was not God, then who was God? As I continued reading the Bible, I discovered that God was truly righteous. I found this to be the case after I studied the book of Exodus, where God made his divine laws known. Through this process, I discovered that he was indeed righteous. For example, his instructions and His standard of righteousness proved what a just God He is. He is so holy that even his punishments towards people were based on righteousness. Such a God like this cannot be wrong.

Another fact was that God cannot lie. He said there is only one God, but other people say that there are many gods. Because the statements contradict each other, the logical conclusion is that one of the statements is a lie. I concluded, “My God cannot lie, so the others must be the false teachers”. It was pretty simple: Jesus Christ was God, my God was God. This God is the real God. He has power, and the words in His book also have power. Therefore, it was real. Up to that moment, everything sounded great.

And then, I began reading from the book of Revelation. I had heard about the book of Revelation back in Taiwan. Those of you who enjoy reading comics will know that Japanese writers and cartoonists are very bold, even to the point of using Bible verses and stories in their comic strips. One of the comics that I read was based on the book of Revelation. Even then I was horrified by those scenes about the last days. When I later read the book of Revelation, I was even more horrified to discover that everything I read was real and whatever spoken by God was about to happen. I was scared to death as I read “the smoke of their torment rises forever and ever (Revelation 14:11)”. It took me a long time before I dared to read the book of Revelation again. I felt horrified whenever I read that book because these basic biblical concepts had been in my mind since I was fifteen or sixteen years old.

By the time I was about 15 years old, I read the Bible and I went to church regularly. It felt good to do these things. At that time, people from my youth group were practising how to apply Four Spiritual Laws. Before this, I did not understand what it meant to be a Christian, but when the gospel was preached to me, I was converted. Even the person who preached to me was surprised at my conversion. Since then, I have identified myself as a Christian. Later, I talked to our pastor in the church. I asked him, “How could I repay God since he is so good to us?” That pastor answered, “Everything belongs to God.” However, I still did not know how to repay God. Nonetheless, up to this point, everything looked great on the outside. After all, a new Christian was born, right? But little did I know that there was an underlying problem at the very beginning of my spiritual journey. I loved to read the Bible, and I loved to study Bible verses. In fact, I was hoping to be like that tree in Psalms chapter 1: “It is planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season. Its leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” (Psalms1:3). This reveals my underlying problem: I loved the idea that the Lord could bless me, but I did not really love the Lord, Himself. When I accepted Christ, I did so in order to escape from punishment in hell. However, this did not mean that I loved Jesus. I always wondered, “Did I accept Christ because I love all the benefits from Jesus, or because I feared the punishments?” I even brought this question to my mentor.

Even when I was 17 years old, that question continued to trouble me, which made me getting weird. Later, someone gave me a tape from Pastor Stephen Tong, titled, “Let us Eat and Drink Happily”. Because of his teaching in this tape, many of my questions were answered and I earnestly desired to preach the gospel. But in hindsight, I see that my motivations were still wrong. When I was 19 years old, I began to preach the gospel. I also handed out evangelical leaflets. However, what I really wanted was to become like Pastor Stephen Tong. As time went by, I became self-righteous. I felt superior to my peers. I thought I was more familiar with the Bible, and was more courageous to hand out leaflets. I judged others by the Laws from the Bible. I thought to myself, “How come those people could be saved? They did not even follow God’s law!” From when I was 19 to 21 years old, I was active in the church. I joined fellowship and attended prayer meetings. I even invited many people to church. However, I did not love others out of God’s love. Everyone thought that I was very devoted but secretly, I was always wondering whether or not I was a real Christian. It was very painful. I knew what was good, but I did not cling to what was good. I knew what was evil, yet I acted out of evilness. At that time, I struggled exactly like what Paul described in Bible. When Jesus Christ is truly the King of your life, your life will be in a good order. Otherwise, your life will be in chaos. At that time, I was living my life without any clear direction. Even though I was a Christian and believed in Jesus, my life was meaningless. From when I was 21 to 23 years old, I felt totally lost when I was in church. I actually felt better when I was not in church. When my friends and I were pursuing worldly things, I felt my life was fine. But when I went to church on Sunday, I felt my life was just grey. Then one day, when I was 23 years old, I finally decided to stop attending church. I finally felt relaxed. Just like those verses from the Bible, “Why do the nations conspire and the people plot in vain? The kings of the earth rise up and the rulers band together against the LORD and against his anointed, saying, ‘Let us break their chains and throw off their shackles.’”(Psalm2:1-3) I untied bondage from God; I found relief in my life. Pastor James from my church called me. He asked me why I was absent on Sunday. You see, he had thought highly of me and treated me like his own child.) I replied, “Pastor James, I need to take a break. I will not return until I need to. However, I will go back one day, I promise you.” However, once I left, I did not go back for many years. I knew that Jesus was God, but I left him. I did not dare to see Him. I indulged myself in sins.

A few years later, my mom came to the United States. She stayed with me for a year. During her stay, I often went out at late night. I would not come home until next morning. I smelt like cigarettes and alcohol. Although I received my mother’s unconditional love, I also felt pained because I dishonored my parents. I tried to recall when last time that I felt truly happy was. When I realized that it was at the prayer meeting, I went back to church. When Pastor James saw me, he was very happy. He told me that he had prayed for me during these past few years. Soon after, I attended a prayer meeting. We always read Psalms before praying. The scripture we read on that day was Psalm 32. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in Him (Psalm 32:10). I experienced the woes. According to my knowledge at that time, Gentiles who forget God were wicked. I thought I was a Christian, but what I had done did not match what I read. I prayed, “LORD, I am willing to return to church. I am willing to read the Bible. I am willing to study your words.”

After some time had passed and I was home alone, I kneeled down before the LORD. I told him: “I want to repent. Heavenly Father, I beg you, do not look at my sins. I beg for your forgiveness. Look at me: I have nothing; I deserve nothing but your anger and punishment. I deserve to be punished, but I beg you not to judge me based on who I am. Please judge me according to what Jesus has accomplished in heaven, and on your faithfulness and love. Please? I beg you to forgive me so that I go back to your presence. I am not only begging you to be my Savior, but I also ask for your guidance. What do you want me to do? I do not want all these things on earth. Everything in this world will pass away. I do not want these things. Heaven and earth will pass away, but those who obey your commands will remain. Who am I? I am a wretch. I do not deserve anything. However, I believe in You because what You have done. You are the only one Whom I can believe in. I believe my LORD Jesus Christ! I come back to You”. 

When I was seeking God’s guidance for future direction, I read the book of 2 Timothy. Here, Paul commanded Timothy in God’s and in Jesus’ name to “Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season” (2 Timothy 4:2). This command caught me by surprise. I questioned God, “Must I preach the word?”, I asked. Others questioned me as well, because they knew I had been struggling over the past two years. I asked myself, “Me? Should I preach? If I began preaching, many of my friends would know of my shameful past. I had, after all, abandoned the church. If I began to preach, wouldn’t I tarnish the name of Christ? Wouldn’t Christianity receive a bad reputation because of me? What kind of testimony could I bring? I am such an unworthy man. Who am I?” However, I knew the response to all of my questions: “Is there a requirement to preach the word? Do you need any qualifications?” All I need to know is that GOD has saved me. I remember one day as I was handing out evangelical leaflets at New York City Subway, I was wiping away my tears. Why? It was because LORD’s love filled me. What did He say? I asked the LORD, “Would you allow me to serve you? May I serve you? Can You still use me?” He said, “Wherever you go, my love follows you. ” I said, “I turned away from You.” He said, “You may change, I never change.” I said, “I am such a wretch.” He said, “Do not look at yourself; look at my Son Jesus Christ.”

So I continued to hand out leaflets. I preached the Word to whoever was around me. I went home and thanked God with a grateful heart. In the end, I discovered I had to step out of my comfortable zone to preach. So I ask you this question tonight, why do I need to preach? If my Lord had already saved me, why is it necessary? Why should Christians preach at all? There is only one reason. This reason is that our Lord has saved us from sins. He has saved us from darkness. We were all disobedient. We were totally depraved. All of us deserved God’s wrath. However, our LORD has saved us from these sufferings. We are called to witness His name to the ends of the earth.  We are all called to baptize people in the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit. We are called to be a living testimony for our LORD, and He is with us until the end of the world.

Today, it is our privilege to be here as Christians. Many unbelievers around us need attend an enjoyable event, such as this. But how do they know they need Jesus? They can know it through your salvation and your witness for Christ. You are an example of someone who was once lost in sin but now saved by grace. Because of your salvation, you are in a better position now. They need to be where you are. I am saved. So are you. You should preach the words and praise our Lord’s name on high. You understand. You know. Our LORD saved us so that his glorious grace will be praised.

May His glorious grace be praised. May God bless you all.

Amen

Translated by Sean Kwong

Source:

http://double-edged-tm.blogspot.com/2012/05/someone-unworthy-testimony-from-brother.html

http://double-edged-tm.blogspot.com/2012/05/someone-unworthytestimony-from-brother.html